It's marriage prep season, so Andrew and I are doing quite a bit of thinking about marriage at the moment. If I had to give a talk to wives (ie. myself) and I wanted it to be fairly cutting, these would be my top 5 don'ts for making your marriage better.
Top 5 don'ts for wives
1. Don't be a cold hard b**c*. Look at your husband when he speaks to you. Smile at him. Be warm. Make an effort.
2. Don't be manipulative. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don't play nasty games.
3. Don't hide stuff. Hiding something from your husband is a fairly good indication that you've crossed a line and done something wrong. If you don't want him to see the shop receipts or whatever, you probably need to repent*.
4. Don't be critical and naggy. Especially in front of others. It is disrepectful and unattractive.
5. Don't be lazy. Sometimes he'll need to carry you. Sometimes you'll need to carry him. That's okay, but make sure you are pulling your own weight whenever you can.
And here are my top 5 'dos'...
Top 5 dos for wives
1. Assume the best of your husband for as long as you can. Interpret his actions (and inactions), intentions and motives in the best possible light.
2. Make encouraging words your default.
3. Be affectionate and enthusiastic.
4. Have fun together.
5. Act or overlook. If he has a habit or something that irritates you, work out if it's worth speaking to him about. If it is, speak to him about it. If it's not, learn to overlook it.
Note the point that I didn't make. I think that one comes into #1, #2 and #5 of the 'don't' list, and #2, #3 and #4 of the 'do' list.
Pray for him as well.
Do you agree with my lists? What would you add/subtract?
*Hiding birthday and christmas presents is okay.
I like your list. And I generally don't like marriage do and don't lists. So that says something about how good your list is :)
ReplyDeleteI would add:
Don't:
*Communicate in a veiled way then get angry when he does not know what you want. If you're unhappy about something, say so. Don't drop hints (especially pointed, derogatory ones in front of other people)
Do:
*Learn how to forgive easily, then forget.
Really good lists. I think from the 1st list, points 2 and 4 are really big in my book. Point 2 just saves a lot of time, stopping the both of you from getting into silly patterns of relating, expecting the other to mindread while you drop cryptic hints.
ReplyDeleteThe fourth point insinuates respect, which for men is a MASSIVE thing. I think that idea that women want to be loved and men want to be respected is pretty spot on. Respect is very empowering for me. If I feel respected, then I will really want to step up my game in a big way.
I don't understand why this is a "Wife's do and don't" list. Shouldn't this be the expected behaviour from both parties?
ReplyDeleteHi Mr. Snuffle. This is a wives list in that it is written by me (a woman) particularly addressing the things that tend to be issues for women (as I see them). Of course guys shouldn't be manipulative or naggy either, but if I was constructing a guy list I'd probably focus on different things.
ReplyDeleteBen - I think list 2 #1 is also about respect.
Soph - I like your additions. Maybe you should make your own list.
I watched no. 4 of your don't list and cringed for my male friend every time. They are no longer together. I don't know if that was the primary cause but it can't have helped.
ReplyDeleteWe have a joint bank account so it's pretty hard to hide anything financial. We have to tell each other not to check the account until after birthdays have passed.
Hey Simone, I liked your lists, they're tops. But I couldn't work this first one out:
ReplyDelete"1 Don't be a cold hard b**c*."
Firstly, I couldn't find a ** at the bottom of the page to go with the b, and I really don't know how the birthday presents relate to the c.
:s
ha ha
ReplyDeleteGood list Simone. It encourages me - I might just be doing a good job. #5 in the first list is probably my biggest struggle, esp. in Japan. Not lazy so much as dependent. Language-wise he is much better than me, so I depend a lot on him necessarily, but that easily leads to a dependent attitude in other areas.
ReplyDelete#4 in the second list is a struggle too - when you have a young family that suck you dry of energy, humour and time.